He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
