This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
