Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
pray to the hookup gods
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
