There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
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You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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