Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
