So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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