i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
