I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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