im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
