Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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