She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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