i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
