She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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