go do what you do best...puke behind churches
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
