someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
