Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
