Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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