Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.