And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???