Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.