I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies