she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death