Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
