I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
