i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
