I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
