you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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