A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I enjoy the company of your penis
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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