Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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