she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
