apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
