I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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