It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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