His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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