Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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