Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
