opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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