I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
