i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
