best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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