I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
