How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
