i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
