i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
