drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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