Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
