You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
