so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
