Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Vodka?
Forever.
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I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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