There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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