Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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