i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm always down for nudity.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
