Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
