dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
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The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The Olympian is in my bed
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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