p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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