i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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