Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
