Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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