Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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