You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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